Have you ever known someone who seemed perfectly happy without a romantic partner? Or perhaps someone who valued deep friendships over dating? They might be asexual or aromantic.
As we’ve expanded our vocabulary around human connections, these terms help us understand the beautiful diversity in how people experience relationships. Let’s explore what they mean.
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, which could mean low or absent interest in--or desire for--sexual activity.
Aromanticism means a person has little or no romantic desire or attraction towards others. “A-spec” is the umbrella term for these two terms.
While these terms may seem new, researcher Alfred Kinsey identified asexuality (“Category X”) in 1948. Canadian psychologist Dr. Anthony Bogaert has led modern research in this area. Today, about 1 in 25 young adults identify as asexual - higher than previously thought. Aromantic was originally a sub-identity of asexual but spun off into its own orientation.
Unfortunately, research on the A-spec community is still new. Currently, the community is very young; median age is mid to late 20s in our community overall. However, there are many older people who are now realizing that “Hey, I’ve been asexual or aromantic all along!”
While learning to navigate the world with this knowledge, it’s important to note A-specs do have emotions and do love, just not in the same way. Orientation is not behaviour.
We define romantic versus sexual attraction as separate experiences or as we call it, the split attraction model, which illustrates how these two attractions may differ, and how we approach relationships:
You can understand how this could lead to frustration and confusion. An A-spec may enjoy someone’s conversation and company, only to have this person misread friendship signals as romantic or sexual interest. Explaining these attractions and why they may not mean you want sexual intimacy can be challenging. For example, society often assumes men are sex focused.
Going further to address other confusion and questions people have, know that asexual and aromantic identities are not the result of trauma, health issues, or religious upbringing. A-specs come from all backgrounds. It also doesn’t change when you “meet the right person.” It’s not the same as celibacy or a medical condition – most A-specs remain consistent in their identity and behavior over years.
Here’s the good news: asexuality does NOT equal loneliness. A-specs tend to build strong friendships and community connections – some see these friendships as their primary relationships. Many of us may be in couples, but different from traditional relationships: some couples may form platonic partnerships, some may be married (with or without sex). Some couples may open their relationship, allowing the non-asexual (or “allosexual”) partner the freedom to find sex outside of the main relationship under certain terms.
Regarding health issues, it’s important medical professionals understand what asexuality and aromanticism are – it’s not something to cure. It’s not a medical condition; you are born this way – just as some people are left-handed or have red hair, this is part of human diversity. The 5th Edition of the DSM by the American Psychiatric Association has been updated to reflect this understanding.
If you recognize yourself in these descriptions, you are not alone - there’s a growing community of people who share similar experiences. Asexuality and aromanticism are simply different ways of experiencing the world, not better or worse than any other orientation. By opening our minds to these diverse forms of connection, we enrich our understanding of what it means to be human.
For information, support, and building community, that’s where the Society of Alberta Asexuals and Aromantics (SAAA) steps in. SAAA is dedicated to creating connections, increasing a-spec representation, providing educational resources, and raising awareness of issues that impact Albertan A-specs, both within the 2SLGBTQIA+ community and the public at large. To date, we are the only registered society in Canada focused on advocacy for the a-spec community and are driven to ensure the work we do in Alberta has broader impact across the country.
Our website - www.abacesandaros.ca has a list of resources on asexuality and aromanticism. Besides continued advocacy for A-specs, we have regular social events such as book clubs, coffee chats, games nights and community walks. We have participated in Pride marches in Calgary, Edmonton, and Lethbridge.
Get in touch for more information: abacesandaros@gmail.com
Private Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/abacesandaros
Discord Server (online chat platform): https://discord.gg/GZq3QHn