Make us comprehend the urgency of your crisis.
Silence left to its own devices, breeds silence.
So, speak and be heard.
One word after the next, express yourself and put your life into context –
If you find that no one is listening,
Be loud.
Canadian poet Shane Koyczan, “Instructions for a Bad Day”
We’re told when we’re young that it’s okay to ask for help.
Whether it’s to cross the street, to use the bathroom, when our feelings get hurt: we’re taught early on to look for the helpers.
Over time, as we grow up, we lose a big part of that.
We want to feel mature and capable, and something about asking for help feels wrong. Asking for help feels like giving up, admitting defeat — or worst of all — embracing the weakest parts of ourselves.
Instead, we strive for other virtues: we want to be self-reliant, we want to be independent, we want to be enough on our own.
These are all noble traits. I don’t mean to knock them.
But no person is an island unto themselves. Not a one. No one gets where they are without a community around them: whether it’s colleagues, family, or friends.
Plus! We love helping each other!
You have to be honest: there’s no better feeling than when you get to help someone out. Whether it’s a small good deed or a big favour — it feels good to help other people.
Then why is it so hard, for ourselves, to ask for help when we need it most? Why is it hard to be honest with our feelings?
What are we afraid of?
Well, first and foremost, we’re afraid of rejection.
Rejection is terrifying. To be vulnerable and open up to someone, to sincerely ask them for help is a lot.
Remember this though: how would you feel if the roles were reversed? If someone who you care about came to you for help?
You’d probably welcome them and how they’re feeling with open arms.
Know that the same kindness you extend to others is the kindness they will extend to you.
Moreover: you wouldn’t think less of them, would you? You wouldn’t mistake their vulnerability for weakness?
So make sure you also extend the same kindness you would to others to yourself.
It feels good to help someone out. Let your friends and loved ones feel good by getting the chance to help you!
But those thoughts might not be enough.
It might be difficult just putting your thoughts and feelings into words.
Sit down and write how you’re feeling. Find words for what you’re going through so you can communicate as best you can what you’re experiencing.
Heck, you can even read right from what you wrote when you eventually open up. That way you don’t have to worry about fumbling what you’re going to say.
And if you think that you have no one to open up to: look again.
We as a species are designed for community and designed to help one another.
You might feel alone in what you’re feeling, but know that you’re absolutely wrong. We are surrounded by others who have gone through the same thing.
All you need to do is look.
At the Unison Wellness Connection Centre in Calgary, we’ve designed a whole space where you can find people going through similar things and reach out.
Beyond that, there are plenty of support groups for various issues available, that are only a search away.
No one should have to deal with the trials of life alone. So remember: you’re not a burden, you’re not weak and you deserve to have your feelings heard.
It’s okay to ask for help.