Being a collector is a great way to add stability and whimsy to your life. I have plenty of oddball collections at home. I love finding weird-looking animal tchotchkes in thrift stores, much to my husband’s chagrin. I have a cow-shaped cookie jar. The cow’s head is too small for its body. I love it. I have a curious looking bird that’s probably a pottery experiment gone wrong, but, I find it funny so it has earned a place atop my bookshelves. Then there’s my prized collection - my oddball, creative, passionate, intelligent, and endearing treasure trove of friends.
I am very fortunate to have a solid group of people I call friends. My oldest friend, from elementary school in Montreal, lives just 10 minutes from me in Calgary. I’m grateful we kept in touch. We were continuously told we looked like sisters. She is the slowest eater I’ve ever met and I adore her. I have a smattering of friends from high school, and we tell each other all of our most outlandish “inside voice” thoughts. Nothing is off-limits and it has actually been therapeutic as we grow older together. From my college years are some of my most tender friendships, brimming with gratitude that we found each other. These are the friends I tend to plan big projects with - like combining my photography with the other’s poetry. We’re still working on it! Having met in our 20s, we share similar arcs of awkwardness and have stories that will bust our sides with laughter. My more recent new friendships were forged over those hard, sleepless, early childhood days, when our babies were learning to walk, were leaping through developmental stages, and shocking us with trips to the emergency room.
I don’t know what I would do without my friends. They help me navigate life and learn more about myself. The importance of friendship cannot be underestimated. These are people who have a willing presence in our lives. Even a quick text saying “thinking about u!” can make my day. As we get older, time between visits get farther apart. We are all exhausted, going through various life changes or circumstances, make plans that fail, and worry about drifting apart. When the invitations become one-sided, or views and opinions clash with our core values, we have a choice to make. Honour a decades-long friendship, even one rife with conflict, or, decide to peacebly part ways. People change - it happens. I have cut ties with friends who became too hurtful to keep around. It’s never a choice I make lightly, but friendship should add to our wellbeing, not erode our peace and make us feel anxious. It’s a delicate shift that I have experienced with friends who turned out to be manipulative, abusive, and jealous.It took a lot of growth to learn that anyone who makes you feel smaller, stupid, or unimportant, is not a friend at all. This has of course impacted my romantic relationships as well. Choosing a partner that I can be friends with was a critical life lesson that I am grateful for. In choosing my mental health and wellbeing in my friendships, I am being the best friend I can be.
Friendships are not a passive thing - it’s a life skill that continuously evolves. For older adults, it’s an entirely different landscape altogether. Priorities shift, cost of living impacts our ability to visit friends who have moved away. We hold chronic discomfort in our bodies, and we change our priorities when our adult children, and our grandchildren are part of the picture. Life ends much sooner than we thought it would and creates a bookend to the story of our friendships. Is it worth it? My goodness, yes.
Investing in friendship is an investment in yourself. It’s challenging to make new friends as we age, but it’s not impossible. I urge you not to give up. Even a regular you pass by at the Kerby Cafe can amplify your wellbeing. Humans are animals that need connection , from the most curmudgeonly to outright flirtatious personalities. Friendships are made at Unison all the time. Your closest friends may be waiting for you here in Calgary, in Medicine Hat, or maybe on our upcoming cruise to the Mediterranean! There’s opportunity yet, which is exciting.